"I hate
it!" I yelled, flinging my New Testament at my fiancé's feet, all the
while, cringing inside at the hideousness of my own behavior. At the time, I
really didn't understand what had triggered this reaction, and neither did my
stunned fiancé. All I knew was that I was tired and burned out. This Christian
religion was not working for me. Truth is, I was believing that my worth was
based on my ability to keep all of God's commandments. Most days I thought I
was actually doing well. Pride is quite blind. This day was different. God, in
His severe mercy, removed the blinders from my eyes. The Bible, acting like a
mirror, revealed every blemish and wrinkle, making me see my own ugliness.
Over the
following weeks and months, I became increasingly depressed until I reached a
point where my sins overwhelmed me and my strength completely failed me. Little
did I know that this was exactly where God wanted me to be. Realizing that I
had nothing to give to God but my weakness and ugliness, I was surprised to
find out that God had known this all along, and still loved me!
Grateful to a
God who created everything out of nothing, and who was willing to take my
empty, dirty hands and fill them with forgiveness and the righteousness of
Christ, I finally began to understand grace. He took my ashes and turned them
into something beautiful! Being known is not scary, but freeing.
Five years
after our wedding, my husband actually became a professor of New Testament. He
is very glad that I have stopped flinging Bibles. Instead, I daily come to my
Lord empty-handed. His grace is sufficient!
· Is there anything you have been
trying to hide from God? Whatever it is, He knows it already and loves you
anyway. Read Psalm 139 and write your thoughts or a prayer below.
· For extra reading on being known,
look up 2 Corinthians 12:9 and Jeremiah
1:5.
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