I know you completely! (Week 3, Day 1)

"I hate it!" I yelled, flinging my New Testament at my fiancé's feet, all the while, cringing inside at the hideousness of my own behavior. At the time, I really didn't understand what had triggered this reaction, and neither did my stunned fiancé. All I knew was that I was tired and burned out. This Christian religion was not working for me. Truth is, I was believing that my worth was based on my ability to keep all of God's commandments. Most days I thought I was actually doing well. Pride is quite blind. This day was different. God, in His severe mercy, removed the blinders from my eyes. The Bible, acting like a mirror, revealed every blemish and wrinkle, making me see my own ugliness.

Over the following weeks and months, I became increasingly depressed until I reached a point where my sins overwhelmed me and my strength completely failed me. Little did I know that this was exactly where God wanted me to be. Realizing that I had nothing to give to God but my weakness and ugliness, I was surprised to find out that God had known this all along, and still loved me! 

Grateful to a God who created everything out of nothing, and who was willing to take my empty, dirty hands and fill them with forgiveness and the righteousness of Christ, I finally began to understand grace. He took my ashes and turned them into something beautiful! Being known is not scary, but freeing.

Five years after our wedding, my husband actually became a professor of New Testament. He is very glad that I have stopped flinging Bibles. Instead, I daily come to my Lord empty-handed. His grace is sufficient!

·       Is there anything you have been trying to hide from God? Whatever it is, He knows it already and loves you anyway. Read Psalm 139 and write your thoughts or a prayer below.

                                                                                                                              

                                                                                                                              

                                                                                                                              

                                                                                                                              

·       For extra reading on being known, look up 2 Corinthians 12:9  and Jeremiah 1:5.

The Blessing of Forgiveness (Week 3 Intro)

"In Him we have redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of His grace, which He lavished upon us, in all wisdom and insight." (Eph. 1:7-8)

Am I good enough? Answering this in the affirmative has been a lifelong quest of mine. God's blessing is an unexpected answer to this question. This week, hear God's answers as He blesses you with the words: "I know you completely and yet I do not hold anything against you. You are allowed to make mistakes. Good job, well done! I would do anything for you!"

I am so proud of you! (Week 2, Day 5)

Last night, I watched the movie Sing with my kids. The plot focuses on a diverse array of animal characters who enter a music competition. The most talented is a gorilla, whose father is completely unsupportive of his singing. After the gorilla's breakthrough performance, his friends surround him to celebrate his success, but he remains downcast. Without a blessing from his father, this personal victory rings hollow. Suddenly, the father bursts onto the scene, encircling his son in a loving embrace and saying, "I am so proud of you." The experience is redeemed. Now this singer is ready to join in the party.

But what if the father had not shown up? What if he had never become supportive? This is the situation many of us find ourselves in. This is where it becomes significant that God has already given us His fatherly blessing, which far outweighs our father's words or actions.

·       Hear Him speak this blessing over you, His child, as you read Matthew 3:17. Write this verse below.

                                                                                                                         

                                                                                                                          

 When the Father blessed Jesus after His baptism, His child had not preached a single sermon and had not performed a single miracle. The Father's blessing is not dependent upon performance.

·       Write your thoughts or a prayer in response to this truth.

                                                                                                                           

                                                                                                                            

                                                                                                                             

                                                                                                                             

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You are not alone! (Week 2, Day 4)

It was Christmas Day. I sat alone in a small apartment in a dismal industrial suburb of Berlin, Germany. Motionless, I stared at her exposed wrist, consumed by the desire to end my life. Giving way to emotional pain blurred the clarity of my perception, causing me to believe, "there is no hope," and "it will never get better."

Only 2-1/2 years earlier, my life had been transformed when I had committed my life to Christ. Immediately, the joy of a soul set free was tainted by the reaction of my step-father as he revealed his hatred for God. He let out a seemingly endless salvo of curses at any mention of God. Finally, I decided to leave this verbally abusive situation by flying to Australia.

I hoped for a new start, living with my father and his wife, but those dreams were short-lived, as my faith in Christ was ridiculed on our first night together. Within 10 days my stepmother expressed, "I wish you were dead!" and my dad drove me to the nearest village, demanding, "Where shall I drop you off?" He then resisted contact for the next 15 years.

Turning to the church for help, I found refuge in the home of a local elder. In him I experienced the father-figure I had always longed for. Mistaking this for a romantic relationship, my host mother revealed her antagonism toward me, saying, "I wish you had never been born!" and insisted that her husband send me away.

Broken and humiliated by my perceived failure, I returned to Berlin, thinking that I might be received back into my stepfather's home. When he offered to pay for a one-way ticket back to Australia, expressing his desire to never see me again, an acquaintance offered me the use of his one-room apartment for the duration of his three-month business trip.

So there I sat, abandoned and depressed, mulling over the hurtful words which cut into my being so deeply, that the destructive thought of literally, physically cutting myself to end all pain seemed like a soothing promise. "No one wants me to live" became the demonic mantra in my head until suddenly a different voice broke through the darkness: "Even if no one else wants you to live, I do. I have made you, My plans for you are to prosper, and I will never forget you."

God, who had pierced the darkness of the world by sending his son 2000 years before, pierced the darkness of my own life that Christmas. Just like after my conversion, life did not immediately get easier. Two weeks later, when the apartment was re-claimed by its owner, I checked myself into an orphanage so that I would have the financial support to graduate from high school. But even though my circumstances were far from easy, God's truth instantly changed everything. No matter what lay ahead, I knew He was with me and I was not alone. Suddenly, nothing else mattered.

·       What situations make you feel alone?

                                                                                                                               

                                                                                                                               

·       Read the following Bible verses and describe how this truth helps form a new outlook. Psalm 68:5-6a, Psalm 27:10

                                                                                                                            

                                                                                                                            

                                                                                                                            

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You are safe here! (Week 2, Day 3)

Last week my oldest son, Daniel, had an allergic reaction to a prescribed medication. His symptoms worried me and his theatrical tendencies only added fuel to the fire. While he dragged himself to bed, he gave me his most pitiful look and said, "See you in the morning, if I am still alive... ." After that, I let my thoughts run out of control and my anxiety skyrocketed. This came as a complete surprise to me because, even though I have been closely acquainted with fear, it has been a while since I have gone there.

I had my first panic attack at age nine. I was very fearful of death, and this fear became increasingly crippling. Even when I became a believer at age 14, things did not change. Later on, during my pregnancies, my feelings of panic became almost unbearable. Ironically, I would wish for death, the thing I feared so greatly. I would plead with God to remove this fear, plaster my wall with Bible verses, and ask others for prayer. Still, nothing changed. When I went into labor with my sixth child, Hanna, I feared for her life and mine so strongly that I needed sedatives in order to endure the delivery. I felt completely defeated.

Three months later, Hanna contracted a respiratory virus. Her breathing suddenly became so labored, I was not sure we would make it to the E.R. in time. At her release from the hospital, four days later, I was admonished by the nurses to keep Hanna close to me and listen to her breathing at all times. Here I was, exhausted but unable to sleep as I was remembering the death of my first daughter, Anita. Ani had been exactly the same age as Hanna when she was not able to breathe at night. I had felt responsible for Ani's death, guilty for having slept when she needed me. Now panic overwhelmed me again because keeping watch every minute was beyond my ability.

Then and there I decided to put Philippians 4:6 into practice: "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God."

I thanked God for planning Hanna's life and for loving her more than I ever could. I confessed that I could not do anything to prolong her life beyond His plans. I thanked God for his goodness, trusting that Hanna was safe with Him. After that prayer, I slept.

There was a noticeable change after I had learned to thank God for His promises, rather than being controlled by my emotions. During my next pregnancy I was free from anxiety and able to enjoy every moment. (as soon as the morning sickness subsided). My fear of death was so completely gone that, when my doctor suspected I might have a type of cancer with a 95% fatality rate, all I could feel was the joy of getting to see my Savior's face sooner than expected. I thought anxiety was something of the past.

But last week when Daniel reacted to the medication and anxiety reared its ugly head again, I realized that faith needs to be exercised anew each time a difficult situation arises. It is not something we overcome and then possess for the rest of our lives. Each day provides new opportunities to trust God. Speaking out truth and thanking God for it are very practical ways of taking our thoughts captive, replacing them with God's thoughts, and placing our lives in God's hands, irrespective of our emotions.

I chose not to feel defeated because of my anxiety, but to run to Jesus instead. As I thanked Him for his compassion, for sharing my humanity, for His complete control, for loving Daniel more than I do, and for holding the future in His hands, I experienced what is promised in Philippians 4:7: "And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."

·       What helps you understand that you are safe with God? Look up the following Bible verses as you formulate an answer and record your thoughts below: Isaiah 41:10, Isaiah 41:13, 2 Samuel 22:3.

                                                                                                                           

                                                                                                                           

                                                                                                                           

                                                                                                                           

                                                                                                                            

This is where you belong! (Week 2, Day 2)

When my 3-year-old starts feeling tired, she says, "I want to go home." Then she curls up on my lap and goes right to sleep. It is so beautiful to be able to provide that sense of home for my daughter. Recently my best friend, Megs, related similarly how her daughter had said to her, "I am home wherever you are, Mommy." This is such a sweet sentiment from a 13-year-old. Both of these girls enjoy a sense of belonging that many yearn for.

When I met Jade, she was living in her friend's basement apartment. "If only I had a place where I did not have to do dishes in the bathtub, I would feel home," she lamented. Just a few weeks later her "dream" came true – an apartment with a kitchen sink. "If only I had a house with a garden," became her new desire. Astonishingly, she soon found an affordable house. Care to guess what she said shortly after she had settled? "If only... ." Growing up with an abusive father, Jade has never felt at home. She will always be longing for this sense of home until she discovers how God the Father satisfies this desire. God has already blessed Jade with that sense of belonging; all she needs is to let the Holy Spirit lead her into this truth. What a wonderful homecoming this will be.

Perhaps the best example of returning home and belonging is found in the parable of the prodigal son. There are actually two sons in this story and not just the “prodigal” who need a better understanding of what it means to return home and “belong.” The Father addresses the older son when He says, "Son, you are always with me, and all that is mine is yours" (Luke 15:31). The older son needed a new understanding, and like him, we must first grasp what it means to be “home” before we can be set free by it.

· Read Luke 15:11-32 and ask God to give you that sense of belonging. As Neal Lozano says in his book, Abba’s Heart (page 127) "God can drop 'I belong' into your heart and overcome the lie that you will never find your place." Write your thoughts in the space below.

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· Read more about God giving us a sense of belonging in John 17:24 & 1 Peter 2:10

You are Mine! (Week 2, Day 1)

My 13-year-old son, Daniel, is Southern to the core. He is an accomplished hunter, an award-winning fisherman, and he knows how to hull sunflower seeds in his mouth – something I will probably never master! Recently, Daniel decided to give his mom an introduction to some of his favorite country songs and, contrary to my expectations, I actually really enjoyed them. One song in particular strongly resonated with me. "He is Mine!" is what country singer Rodney Atkins declares about his teenage son, who comes running to him for safety. Despite the fact that his boy is in trouble with the neighbors for smoking and shooting beer bottles while trespassing on their property, the father embraces and claims him wholeheartedly. "He is mine," he proudly tells them, and no action on his son's part could ever change this.

Through his song, this father gives us a perfect example of unconditional love, without condoning any part of his boy's actions. Atkins clearly reflects the father-heart of God, just as God himself says, “You are mine,” in Isaiah 43:1b. Even when we get into trouble, He still claims us as His own. My tendency is to hide from God in shame when I have sinned against Him. Like Adam and Eve I doubt that He would still want to be with me (Gen. 3:8). But God longs to embrace us as we come running to Him, just as Rodney Atkins communicated in his song.

Nothing we do can cause God to stop loving us. God claims us completely, and not only when we are doing well. Sometimes it takes a Southern boy and his favorite country song to help me really grasp this truth!

·       What does God the Father say about you in Isaiah 43:1b?

                                                                                                              

                                                                                                              

At age 16, after being out of touch with my father for seven long years, I flew halfway across the globe to see him again. What would I call him? Daddy? Papa? Such intimate names seemed too laden with hopes and expectations, too full of potential disappointments, too vulnerable. What if he didn't want the job description that went with the name? I chickened out, opting for his first name. It seemed like a safer call. Fear of rejection is what kept me from calling him "Papa." Years later, I learned that we are to respect our parents, not because of their character, but because of their position. I then started calling him "Papa" as one way to give him honor. It felt awkward at first, but I said it anyway, knowing that it blessed my father to do so.

There is no doubt about the appropriate way to address our heavenly father.

• ·       What did He call us, even before we could think about what to call Him? (1 John 3:1)

                                                                                                                    

• ·       What did He put into our hearts to call Him? (Gal. 4:6 & Rom. 8:15)

                                                                                                                     

Even now, it sometimes feels awkward for me to call God "Daddy". It seems inappropriately intimate for a God who is all-powerful and whom the angels only approach with the words "holy, holy, holy". But He has reserved for us the right to confidently come before the throne calling him "Daddy".

·       If you have never done so, try it today. Write a prayer to God your Dad in the space below.